I keep giving people more maturity points than they deserve. Two very short and plainly written articles (but youll want to read more ). Will my narcissist hoover? Indifference is all I can muster now, and that beats anger, resentment and sadness any day. When you click on SEND.. its sooo sad feeling. They get satisfaction from watching us suffer. Nothing getting in the way. I love you so much much more than I could ever say and in this chaotic time of my life Ive found something truly beautiful that changes the way I look at everything (I dont think you realize just how much impact youve already left on me permanently) Dont be scared. Its only been two months since that happened. So, Im not delusional. I cannot describe it. It really is tricky with a covert narcissist as they dont do the really mean things and only do the rage thing occasionally. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . I hit the bottom a few months back and have been at the Choice Point for some time. I must commend you on your understanding of this personality type. Finally Cameron is back with Kym she took him back in the last week. After time has passed, they return, having given you time to forget. These people and sick and will always fail i life I just want you to know it was nothing you did wrong and that it didnt only happen to you each day gets better for me as long as I remain No Contact with that ugly parasite.. Why Cant I Just Leave? Im so scared for her! I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. Still hasn't happened. Type 2: they manipulate knowingly and enjoy it. n.b. Recovery from this type of abuse literally takes a villageas well as dedication and consistency. I meet him 3 1/2 years ago, he was the most charming person Id every met my soul mate. Mature people can break up, unblock and still be in a fairly good term with their ex. It was not until she text me that her money had come in and she would be sending me the money out ASAP, that she went dormant all of a sudden. But, then he was back. You can probably google it. I was not going to jump and answer his calls/texts just because he was GRACING me with communication. A couple of minutes later, he got in his truck and leftno goodbye, see ya or anything not that I expected it. Whats wrong with me. I dont spend too much time thinking about the past anymore. Understand that I was replying specifically to Matt. to know how to deal with them. He has been blocked on fb, my home phone, my cell phone and messenger. The best thing to do is be yourself and let the Narc back himself into a corner. How is that possible!? He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. Us having a conversation will not do either of us any good. So I would have to say my ex Narc is gone for good. I dont know if or when I could ever be with someone new. Every time I started to walk, shed want me back in her life so badly. You wont see it coming, it will be a very strategic, and calculated move, and theyll wait until youre at your most vulnerable to attack. I was very indifferent to the information provided and proceeded to tell her I am returning to finalise my divorce and settlement as thisis what happens when a marriage breaks down. To try to avoid manipulating situations for my sole benefit and playing on peoples weaknesses, which I conceded Im fairly good at but no narc master. Take care" Then I blocked her number . My narc was beautiful. I was hysterical and I called the police so they could help me get my belongings. She looks beautiful and I lost that or I dont even know if he really *saw* me, as in the way I looked, like maybe he noticed those passion marks and now he know Im no longer sitting around crying like he *thought* I might be, still brokenhearted. 10. Eden, I havent read all your posts.did you ever tell him he was abusive? Id never met her friends Thats the last thing anyone needsincluding him! He said that even though he stays there, he sleeps on her couch and its a place to stay. He said basically, youre describing a sociopath; Im not a liar and Im not crazy. There are several reasons why the narcissist wants to be friends with an ex, here are three of them: Obviously, the narcissist isnt going to tell you this, but eventually, theyll try and sleep with you. This is the point I look back on and realise I was so in love with her the rational part oif my brain stopped working. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. That love letter got to me. Why all those lies in the shop?. I decided I had enough, and went and filed for a restraining order for dating violence. I still had no reply or e-mail from him though. LMAO. Little old lady sweet talked the Lawyer. But, I took him back, through out our relationship he seemed so desperate for female attention, massive amounts of porn, talking about sex with girls, behind my back, secrets and lies that are now coming to shine. We are left with nothing !!.. I am not alive anymore. Thankyou for your advice. I was just so proud of myself that i managed to get my live back on track. The emotionally and financially damage is done and cannot be corrected, as one cannot travel back in time. I cant imagine living an entire life with no escape or if I tried being brought to submission or outcast from family and friends. He plays the system well. And its true what they say about NC. She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. Domestic violence unit contacted me the next day and said that they believed me and told me to get an emergency protection order and he feels my ex is more passive aggressive and gets off on reactions, that he would manipulate from the outside. Your article helped me tremendously understand exactly what is happening to me and every word you said is exactly what Im going through. But quicklyndenied it, and then, bam! You do an awesome job Kim. Answer (1 of 23): If your ex is a narcissist, she believes that you and all of her victims are possessions that she can pick an use and hurt anytime she wants. Where they accuse you of not making sense. Anupturnedsoul opened my eyes to something I didnt know. My prayer is for continued healing for both of us. Cut your losses. Im proud to say it worked, i blocked her on social media, blocked her phone number and deleted her from my life, that was 6 months ago. Anyhow, Im glad both of you men are posting here. 1. Aside from that, he seems to have all the blue-print traits of a Narcissist and its very unlikely things will EVER improve. I told him to F off and all hope I ever had for him was done. The more on blast the narcissist is, the worse the blowback will be. I know borderlines have huge abandonment issues and the fact that I kept leaving him made him much more desperate to have me but narcissists hate when you abandon them as well. Im sure you have added me to that list now. He does have borderline traits as well. Narcissists are psychologically damaged people. It was not so much the fact that she had not yet paid me the money. I was the love of her life. Before I learned about narcissism, I just couldnt understand his Jekkyl and Hyde behaviorIve been four months no contact, and he hasnt tried to contract me once, which hurts me a lot, even thought I should be happy. Its difficult to comprehend that the person I was with was an imposter. He recently was fired from his bar-tending job and had to crawl back to his old one and now will be asking Do you want white rice or pork fried rice with your Mongolian Beef as a waiter because he got DE-moated and is no longer working the bar. He may move in with her but it wont last. I loathe and love him simultaneously. It makes me feel foolish for not seeing, or at least, accepting who he truly was from the start. Who blames them? Sorry for my bad Englisch by the way but i wanted to say that i understand your situation. I new no one in dayton new to the area married for twenty eight years grievieng hard . Kim, Ive been reading your emails and writings for about a year. Wants the kids to see you both as friends. just one day you will feel different and He will answer your fervent prayer They are jealous & envious of YOU, they literally want EVERYTHING that you are & you have, including your SOUL My love and prayers to all in a similar situation. Basically, If you don't like the way things are or who he is, then leave. And he was abused my his father as a child, so I feel sorry for him. Granted, we spoke on the phone all the time, but you see what I am getting at. Maybe i just miss compagny. This is a terrible blow to the narcissists self-esteem, and it will activatenarcissistic rage. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. I am simply thinking about this non stop. You mentioned that you believe he has blocked you, but if I were in your shoes, I would make sure that I had blocked him from all forms of communication. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. The next day that dog was gone. I am a woman who has been in two abusive relationships and has alcoholic parents I fit perfectly into Robin Norwoods definition of a Woman who Loves Too Much. She recently moved in with him, I believe. I actually had to watch what clothes I chose so he wouldnt accuse me of trying to get other mens attention. Wow. I went no contact with him about three weeks ago and it hasnt been easy but also not quite as hard as I expected. That quote is for normal people, not narcissists. -Retaliation and punishment with extended silent treatments and cold detachment Even when we know it is not our fault, and start to see things clearer, there are still those days where it hurts like it was yesterday. Told him finally that I want to move on and hearing from him was preventing that and causing me pain. To validate my investment.). She blocked me from social media and owes me $3,000, so the motive for her to stay away is pretty strong. I do all that. My ex was a narcissistic to a T. A couple times I did self harm myself and he would take away my scissors and keep them and tend to my wounds. In retrospect all those times that she said if you cant get me this or that i will find someone that will I never really appreciated the fact that she meant it. So all we have to do now is learn to Love Ourselves as much as we Loved them without them. Lilli, I am just now able to read your comment. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. This is my first encounter with a narcissist. But later i felt he was meaning it. It has been a few years now and it has ripped me apart and affects my life. A week after getting back together I saw her getting in a car. I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and he was aware of this. we first met in 2008 and our last communication was in April 2014). But the actual discovery of an affair (long term plus who knows what else) and this last year of attempting to reusitate my marriage, has allowed me to see him and his behaviors much clearer than before. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.. goodness me. And then text message that i still want to have peace with another. Why did i gave him this good feeling to have his way. Sometimes they come back to see if they can still mess with your mind but once they see you are on to them and they cant convince you to side with them anymore, they usually slither away. So they know exactly what they are doing !!.. We separated in August 2012 four days after our daughters 7th birthday after him striking me so hard I thought hed broken my jaw/cheekbone. Never did it occur that I would, but heres my advice: Dont attack. What confuses me the most is how my ex tries to get me to contact him first before he would, say hallo usually by text. So when I saw his truck pull into my driveway, I came out my house while on my phone and slowly strolled down the ramp (I have a handicapped ramp) and went to my car to get a paper that I needed to get as he pulled up. I meant no disrespect in my comments above, and I do apologize that it was taken that way. I am sane enough to get away from him and no longer put up with his narcissistic, messed up personality. sent me a love song via email. Best thing to do is get away from the drama and live a peaceful life. Weird stuff that I havent experienced before. I thought the same about my ex. I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. They may just reel you back in and it all starts again until you defy them and you are discarded all over again. We had some good times together. Increasingly however and especially in our last communications he seems to have become amnesiac in regards to our relationship. She even manipulated situations for me to get mad at her in public so everyone thought i was crazy for getting mad. His dad just loved that dog more than anything. This gives them a great advantage over us. Block him and move on. Yesterday i missed him so bad i almost texted him!! For Someone so fantastic and beyond you. Has a woman ever had you in fear for your life and the life of your children purely by her brute strength? She will never admit it though. And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. In your situation it must be even harder. He cannot even look me in the eye and refuses to communicate with me regarding the kids. Reading your situation makes me feel not so alone after all. This woman you dated is pure slime. I think its time for total no contact! That I seemed to have bipolar and need help. This so-called questionable source may be because he has lied about some stuff and its his way of trying to backtrack. . Unfriend & unfollw him on all social media. Excellent advice Jo and yes it works, I tried it all myself. That would suck. 3. Block him from texting, calling, email, FB. In the end, though, I won. Does this sound like N behavior? One of the reasons they get away with so much abuse is that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing. Let's do a quick recap, The are three prevalent thoughts that your ex is likely to think about if they don't contact you. I am getting back up and know about a couple of days i am back me again. but my guess is that men are used to going into their shells with their pain maybe? He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. NC is easy now and he isnt harassing me or anything. And now travel back in time almost 17 years Wed known each other three years, but had only been dating for six weeks at this point, as he first had a string of others he labeled everything from bipolar nymphomaniacs to bisexual stalkers. Or there are the exs who the narcissist discarded, and theyre still nursing a broken heart. I found out two days before I was going to move in with him. I know I was . Your first paragraph described my soon to-be-ex narc perfectly! Its very hard. I just got an email last week after 7 years. Narcissists never really break up with you in the traditional sense. So for four weeks, it was the first week I dont want you, next week he did, vice versa. I mean, why the hateraid? Hey Martin So much of what you write about has happened to me and makes me feel that you are writing my story. I dont even know if you desire to changebut I brought it up because often when people are in emotional turmoil, thats what drives them to try to make these kinds of major changes in their lives about how they are interacting with the world. So please, all of you, break free and No Contact means No Contact. Even though its been 9 months, the fact that you reached out to him a week ago probably makes him think you still have hopes of reconciliation, so its quite possible that he could pop back onto the scene at some point in the future by virtue of your still trying to make contact after so long. A mutual friend of mine and hers had unknowingly stated she was having a fling with a married man with 2 girls who was leaving his wife. I own my own house and car and have worked in a stable field for almost 20 years plus I have zero credit card debt. Instead, you should be grateful that someone accepts you as you are, and how dare you even think you can find someone better. and maybe he does in HIS way but why wont he let go. Mine is such a stereotypical story its incredible. I am trying to find a job and use the bus with my child for transportationBut he called me saying that he does not understand why I need distance and felt like I used him (i felt also used as his promises for me finding a reliable job and be free fell through)he said that I should make it easy on myself and live with him or stay with my child in his guest house (! Just to demonstrate I am including a note from my ex too. Went shopping what i ussualy do with him. Yes I believe that a Narcissist can be beat at their own game. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated. when he sees me strong wants me back just to see if he can. At first, he tried doing friends with benefits but I declined. Loving and wishing for something that did not exist. I have been going to therapy for the month and will be moving out next month. He calls again..I wait then text him????. Many factors might go into the decision, but those factors all play a role in whether they will try to hoover someone else or not. Those were my last words to him. Mine was a long distance relationship, and I also never met her friends, never met her kids, was also blocked from facebook, etc. Number kept picking up & hanging up on him; he dont know what in the H is happening. No Im fine. Theyll start being overly nice by buying you gifts, and taking you out. Kudos on going No Contact! Then says, Im going to look into one bedroom appartments and that he just wants to make sure we can work out before we move in ETc. He reminded me so much of my ex..he was always talking and acting as if he was the authority on every subject. Be an adult.. I just woke up from a nightmare starring my all time "favourite" narcissistic ex gf! Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. He moved right into her place. When the narcissist leaves and then returns, it dysregulates neurotransmitters in our brains. The point is we should always be aware of these when meeting a new prospect! So end of January I eventually snapped and said Im uncomfortable with this, I dont like it. Some part of me liked that he was trying to get me back. So, Ive done a lot of reading and digging to figure out what my ex common law was. It feels like love, but its really our body and mind withdrawing from the chemical addiction of the craziness and the brainwashing. All fabrications that held no truth or they held partial truths, but she withheld the reasons behind the actions. The sacred place where no one can get but i do. I dont care if i dont see you again but i would do anything for j___ (grandchild). Thats my new motto Life begins after No Contact You can do this. Be thankful you are out. Only those who have been there can understand, even among the professional therapists. No wonder why everyone seemed to be going in circles including myself. I thought all of this was normal because every relationship has a intense, honeymoon phase and then things settle into a more routine phase. I used to wish I was the other woman at first until I fully accepted that my ex was a Narc/Psychopath (diagnosed). If the other parent is a demon then we have a moral obligation to let our kids know the truth. And you will be ready for it and you will survive and you will be the WINNER in the end. She is now stopping me from seeing my son who is now three years old. I dont normally believe in tarot card readings but last week, I had a general reading and the lady described my ex from the first card she read; she told me that he was instrumental in crooked goings on behind my back in my recent past (him getting back with is ex) that he was harboring secret grudges against me (which I believe since he was spreading lies and id put him out) and that this person wanted to be back in my life somehow, that he was looking for a crack or a doorway opening to come through cause he feels this is the time is right to reconnect with me. ( my friends should say now.. yeah right you Always say this) I have experienced this for seven years and I truly understand. And not fair to myself. I just unearthed his hand written letters from when we first started dating in college. I have been so confused by the 180 mine did going from you can come back any time despite being emotionally abusive every other interaction, to now acting like I have been so horrible to him he cant stand to be in a room with me even for our kids teacher conferences or IEP meetings. and thats the hard part. He wants nothing to do with me now. What do I mean by need? I realize the relationship was a major setback for you and I really am sorry. BAhahaha! Add his sexual confusion to the mix and you have a no win situation on ur hands. Eden, the nerve they have popping in and out and around our lives like nothing is soooo unsettling and weird to the norm, but he is not normal so he would probably in his mind (which we know does not function properly) feel it is ok. That is what sets us apart from them. Her voice sounded as though she never left high school. My narc came back after almost 2 years. Eden I would do total no contact in your case as well. 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